Challenges and Connection
Do you think creating more down to earth, authentic connections with colleagues would improve work? And do you think it’s important to be open about failure and the misfortunate side of life?
At the end of my second year of university I wanted to quit. I was failing and had lost motivation to study but instead of doing anything drastic, I deferred my third year and applied for an internship.
I was studying IT so landed a desktop support role at an investment bank in London. I was excited and nervous about the year ahead but it quickly became challenging in a way I didn’t expect.
Another guy, Matt, joined at the same time and we were supposed to work together as a team. He was mid 30s, well paid due to his experience and full of confidence. He would swagger into the office in the morning cracking jokes, bit of a ladies man and he didn’t really pay me that much attention.
I found him to be abrasive and intimidating and we just didn’t get along. I went into my shell a bit and started to withdraw from work instead of learning and felt seriously that I should have just quit university in the first place.
Until one day, after about a month, something happened between us. We were walking through a corridor together and he started to tell me a story.
He was on a night out once in Croydon and ended up getting into a fight. He got hit over the head with a bottle but told me “it didn’t even hurt mate” as he showed me a scar. But what did hurt, he went on to say, was as he got hit on the head he fell over and happened to land directly on another bottle that was on the floor beneath him on his coccyx bone and that was really painful.
I found it hilarious and he started laughing too. He liked that I enjoyed his story and we both had a good laugh together and from that moment on, for the rest of the year, we became best mates. We formed an effective team that trusted each other and we even called each other on weekends for a chat!
I started to really enjoy the work and my success in the role led the department manager to rehire me at another company on a part-time basis whilst I returned to university and achieved 97% in my final year project and graduated with a 2:1.
Empathy – Courage – Humour
Matt transformed our relationship by sharing a ‘beast’ and I experienced first-hand how they can break down barriers and forge connections.
A beast is ‘an unlucky or embarrassing experience you later laugh about’.
I’m originally from Yorkshire and grew up using the phrase like this, for example “I had a complete beast in the gym last week” or even as a verb in the present continuous “Oh my god I’m beasting!”.
Our beast stories are powerful means of connection because they combine empathy, courage and humour. They’re funny because of their unexpected and often absurd nature and it takes courage to reveal vulnerability.
This new connection transformed me into an actively engaged employee.
Employee Engagement
Definitions of employee engagement vary but this is part of an official explanation “ … experiencing positive emotions and meaningful connections to others”.
Engage for Success promote four common themes of engagement which construct their four pillars you can read about here.
In Gallup’s 2023 state of the workplace report around 43% of employees globally experience high levels of daily stress and they found incredibly low levels of employee engagement.
In Europe, the UK is ranked 33rd out of 38 countries with just 10% of the population thriving and highly enthusiastic about their workplace. The engagement global average isn’t much better with just 23% actively engaged.
Such low levels of engagement seems like we’re all wandering through a workplace desert, longing for connection. But keep reading and I’ll guide you to an oasis in the desert where ‘The Great British Sense of Humour’ is the welcoming hotel and yes, at the hotel bar, pints are just £2.50.
Companies need strategies that foster authentic connection because the data also paints a picture of opportunity and hope with employees expressing a strong desire to be engaged.
I believe one of the reasons for low engagement is a lack of authentic connections and a traditional attitude of always focusing on achievements. In a recent MyBeast workshop an ex-teacher talked about an almost ruthless approach to success metrics at their school where any mention of failure was forbidden which created a toxic culture.
It’s our responsibility to achieve success and reach goals at work but we could be more open about the misfortunate side of life too.
All about achieving and succeeding
Leigh Thompson from North Western School of Management researched brainstorming and creativity because at corporate retreats, she found that after attendees had taken part in ice-breaker sessions which involved sharing accomplishments and achievements, they tended to self-sensor.
Thompson and her team began investigating if there was another way to promote innovation and found that after sharing an embarrassing story instead, participants generated both a larger number and a wider range of ideas.
We fear humiliation more than we anticipate success, so if we’re more open and realistic about life’s experiences we can inspire others to strive harder and succeed. A safe environment for openly discussing and learning from failure is well-documented in research.
Psychological Safety
Amy Edmonson from Harvard first researched psychological safety in a medical setting, discovering that teams who were more comfortable discussing mistakes saw improved overall performance.
Her research became famous after Google launched a study called “Project Aristotle” to understand what makes teams effective and they found above all else, psychological safety was THE most important factor.
Psychological safety is the belief that your team will not ridicule or punish you for speaking up, being yourself, taking risks or making mistakes. In this atmosphere, people are more open about concerns or new ideas and it’s crucial for inclusion.
I recently learnt about a legal company that had a brilliant initiative to hire more people from dis-advantaged communities which succeeded at first, but after a year, the individuals started to leave because they felt like they didn’t fit in.
We need strategies and structure that create human connection at work.
MyBeast
If a senior manager from a different department shared a beast with you, what would be your reaction? You would likely appreciate the gesture, but the idea of you yourself sharing a story, especially if you’re senior, probably makes you feel uncomfortable.
Brené Brown describes the paradox “We’re drawn to those who are real and down-to-earth, but we run in the opposite direction of making ourselves that way. That’s the struggle. We want it from others, but we don’t want to do it ourselves.”
But the results are in, research consistently shows that companies thrive under senior leaders who have humility and a sense of humour.
A MyBeast strategy creates a safe and supportive environment to share stories which we develop with a rule: when you listen to someone’s beast, you must thank them for sharing their story.
“Taming the beast” involves pairing up with someone in your organisation to craft your story which you should take pride in and it’s important people don’t feel pressure to produce a crazy and hilarious story.
In Humor, Seriously: Why Humor Is a Superpower at Work and in Life authors Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas highlight research showing what’s more important than being funny is simply signalling that you have a sense of humour.
MyBeast workshops explore humour theory which can be applied to other areas of work, psychological safety and storytelling and the overall strategy fosters connection between seniority levels, teams and departments.
Conclusion
High levels of work-related stress and low levels of engagement call for a change. Sharing a beast story with colleagues is a simple and refreshingly authentic change of attitudes.
You can learn more by emailing me on jason@mybeast.life.
I’d like to thank Engage for Success for inviting me to write this blog and their continued efforts in improving the world of work.
